She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
