i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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