ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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