well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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