Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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