I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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