whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
