Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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