Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
