I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
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