I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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