I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
This gyro tastes like lonliness
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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