My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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