The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
no more duck duck goose at the bar
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
