kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
