I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Randomize
