Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
