Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
