a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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