he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
