When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
You need a sexual gate keeper
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
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