mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
