Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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