Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
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