Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
