Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I am never drinking with the goths again.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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