We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
