Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
