i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
