Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
