I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Randomize
