Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Randomize
