We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Randomize
