I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
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