I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
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