I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
