At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
