at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
