I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Randomize
