I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Randomize
