I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
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