i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
