I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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