I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
