they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Randomize
