jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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