I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Randomize
