I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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