so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
3 2 1 whiskey
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
