I hate your face
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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