I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
