Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
