make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
