I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
