Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
These tits shall not be calmed
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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