she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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