Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
