...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Randomize
