Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
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