I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
